Jul_24 Returning to Art After Surgery

On April 10th 2024 I had a very serious fall. I broke my right knee-cap and my right elbow in several places. That one moment of tripping on the sidewalk down the street from my home, began a challenging process of recovery.

From that time until today, July 8th, I have not been physically, mentally, spiritually or emotionally able to spend time creating art. I have been totally focused on my immediate bodily needs and the physical exercise routines that my physiotherapist created for me. Although I am progressing at a rapid rate given the severity of my injuries, the process still feels slow - given that I want to return to all the things in my life that fill me with joy.

I want to share with you some of my emotional journey during this time. I have been diligent, fiercely determined and committed to my exercises. My brother noticed this, along with my steady improvement and made an interesting and powerful comment - that the qualities that I was relying upon for this healing journey are all qualities that were evident in my mother.

I have been angry with my narcissistic mother for most of my life. We had a difficult relationship with my mother always taking center stage and my wanting desperately to be seen by her. As a therapist who does my own personal healing on a regular and committed basis, I have done a great deal of exploration about my relationship with my mother. I have also experienced lots of healing over the years both before she passed and since.

My brother’s comment began some serious questioning on my part. Why was I still unwilling to see the qualities of my mother that live inside me? Why was I so quick and able to see her negative qualities and reluctant to admit to her positive attributes?

My regular exercise routine has me looking in the mirror literally and figuratively. I do see my mother’s determination when I lift my weights and do my squats and lunges. I make a conscious choice to allow that now, finding that I am finally able to see her better qualities within me.

I no longer want to sit in judgement of her and feel the anger ever-ready to surface. I have been unseen by her long enough and I want to have my ability to see myself, matter more than the historic longing to be seen by her.

It was in this frame of mind that I found myself wandering into the art studio today (July 8th, 2024) ready to create. When I picked the canvas and tools, I didn’t have any conscious thought of what I wanted to do. This is a very normal experience for me as I allow spirit to guide me. Part way through, it became clear to me that I was creating my experience of what it will be like when I am fully able to forgive my mother. The painting is guiding me towards this goal in such a beautiful way. It lightens my heart to see what I created on canvas and what I am in the process of creating in my life.

Here is the Spiritual Message that came through in regards to this painting:

We don’t forgive the person we feel wronged by for his/her benefit. We forgive so that we may unburden ourselves from the weight of sitting in judgement, anger, disappointment and despair within ourselves. On the other side of forgiveness we are able to experience joyous lightness of being and a sense of freedom within, that is worth the sometimes long and challenging process of finding true forgiveness in our heart when it’s the right time for us as well.

When I was visiting a friend recently, she gave me the gift of Cardinal bird feathers that she found on her property. This is something I had wanted for a long time. Although cardinals are not scarce, their presence always brings a sense of excitement and wonder as we experience their brilliant red plumage. This painting asked for these feathers because this forgiveness piece is a new beginning and that is "cardinal’ energy." I was so pleased that I had just received these feathers and now they were on this piece of art.

I am absolutely not promoting forgiveness. Too many people have been made to feel guilty because they weren’t wanting to forgive or weren’t even ready to look at that possibility. I believe that forgiveness comes if, and when, it’s right for each person.

I am very happy to share this painting and my process with you. I feel celebratory about returning to the art room again and creating art that Spirit wants to exist in the world!